The next time someone asks me what I do for a living I'm going to describe this day, which started off with a press conference for the WB's "The Surreal Life," with porn star Ron Jeremy explaining, among other things, why the porn industry's more honest than the TV industry, and rapidly became, well, surreal.

As those of you from Philadelphia have probably already heard, there's some sort of football game this weekend involving a team that wears dark green jerseys. My editors think it would be cool if I could get some of the homegrown talent that now lives on the Left Coast to show their support for the Eagles by being photographed in Eagles jerseys.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any Eagles jerseys. At least I didn't this morning.

Now, thanks to a couple of $25 cab rides to and from the Beverly Center -- an eight-story shopping mall that will no doubt figure in my nightmares for years to come -- the Daily News owns four more of them in sizes ranging from L to 3XL. Should this all work out, I wish first to thank the academy, and then the cabbie who agreed to wait, with his meter off, while I ran through the Beverly Center, from Champs to Foot Locker, trying to find the shirts. (Champs had only one left, and there was a hold on it. Foot Locker, on the other hand, had them for buy one, get a second half-price. So if you see my bosses, tell 'em I at least got a deal.)

I think they're used to crazy women in L.A. One guy just figured I was doing a commercial.

Anyway, thanks to the best cabbie in this town, I got back to the hotel just in time to grab a bus for the long-awaited meeting with the "Friends" cast, only to find that my RSVP of a few weeks ago had never been recorded, and that I was not on The List. Normally, this wouldn't be much of a problem, but security for the "Friends" visit was so tight I began to think, as one of the publicists made call after call to get me cleared, that the Department of Homeland Security might have added me to some watch list. (Red-haired woman, slightly out of breath, with mad look in her eye. May have it in for Jennifer Aniston.)

It's all good, though -- I ended up on the last bus, clutching a couple of my jerseys, which I foolishly hoped I might be able to get "Friends" co-creators and Philadelphia-area natives Marta Kauffman and David Crane to pose in.

Ha.

According to someone with Warner Bros., the pair, who met with the press, along with the six regulars, for a strictly enforced 45-minute, no-followups session, couldn't possibly be photographed till Friday, when Marta -- who looked great to me in jeans and a T-shirt -- will next be in makeup. The logistics of getting that shot into the paper before the game seemed too daunting, so I took my shirts and came back to the hotel.

I'll be bringing jerseys to tonight's WB party, though. We'll see how that goes.