If you've ever wondered why the "Gilmore Girls'" Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham) talks so fast, five minutes with the show's creator, Amy Sherman-Palladino, would clear up that and many other mysteries.

Sherman-Palladino, easily one of the most colorful producers on the WB or any other network, is known for her big hats -- the wide-brimmed black number she wore this morning obscured the top half of her face -- and her even bigger mouth.

Bless her heart.

If TV critics are going to have to drag themselves out of bed on a Saturday to go hear about a network whose ratings are currently in the toilet, it's good to start the day with a "Gilmore Girls" session (and not just because many of us really love the show).

Asked why this season is so much better than last season -- a premise that Sherman-Palladino doesn't necessarily accept -- she began by offering that "I actually think our increased drug use this year put us at the top of our game."

Why's Rory (Alexis Bledel) been such a slut lately? (I'm paraphrasing here -- we'd never say something this rude with Bledel sitting there looking so angelic.)

"We thought we'd go back to our roots of stupid women making stupid choices," said Sherman-Palladino.

More seriously, on the subject of some of Rory's recent boyfriends, she said that she prefers her characters to be both good and bad -- what a concept -- and that "a really sweet Tony Soprano, no one would watch."

At least not on the WB. Or with Rory.

On the Family Friendly Programming Forum, a consortium of advertisers that funded the "Gilmore Girls" pilot and which she believes to be "in a bunker in Oslo":

"I was very nervous about being associated" with them, "but the thing is, I've never heard from these people," she said. "For some reason, they chose to give us a chunk of change and go away -- which is my favorite kind of person."

And on "American Idol," which starting last week was back up against her show on Tuesday nights:

"'American Idol' is like the Nazis marching through Poland. You just got to let them go. We're like France -- just don't burn down Paris."