So here's what we had to cut (for space) from tomorrow's yes-Taylor-won-of-course-he-won "Idol" column in the Daily News:

Honk if you slapped yourself at least once, perhaps while Mandisa, or Paris Bennett or Elliott Yamin or Lisa Tucker was singing, declaring, “I could’ve had a V-8.”

Snarkiness, of course, has no place in a discussion of “American Idol,” where only Ryan gets to make fun of people, something he took to uncomfortable lengths in the time-wasting “Golden Idol Awards,” which were mostly employed as a device to revisit bad auditions and bad actors of the past season, making the one apparently sort-of sincere award given to Elliott’s mother, Claudette, for “proudest family moment” appear mildly insulting.

Not that anyone will care in Birmingham, Ala., where small boys who’d dyed their hair gray in Taylor’s honor are no doubt facing a long, hot shower someday soon.