After I had surgery last March to remove my thyroid (which weighed approximately 25 grams), I began to put on weight (approximately 25 pounds).

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

Now that almost a year has passed, I've decided it's time to take off the flab. Since I spend my work days humiliating celebrities in print by writing the Tattle column, it only seemed right that I humiliate myself in print (and with this blog).

So, even though one colleague told me just yesterday, "You hide your fat well," I'll be meeting periodically with trainer Gabriel Gaskin to try and lose the gut, tone the muscles and drop 50 points off my cholesterol before it's time to summer on the Riviera, in the Hamptons or, more likely, here in my office at the Daily News.

My stats when I met with Gabriel on Saturday: 5-foot-9, 206 pounds, 40-inch waist (masked well by my broad shoulders).

My home scale said my fat content was 27 percent. Gabriel's little machine said it was 34 percent, which would make my insides akin to Silly Putty.

My goal: To lose Nicole Richie (who appears to weigh between 20 and 30 pounds) and get that body fat percentage below 20.