In Sandra's Shoes

Sometimes we think we don't need support to face issues. We know what we have to do and we just go ahead and do it. We may have some anxiety but we work to overcome it.

I knew what I would be facing for the first day of radiation therapy. I had been admitted into a study group that uses a breathing machine to help you hold your breath while the radiation is being administered. Holding your breath lifts the chest area so heart and lungs are protected from the radiation and should give you a longer life without side effects on those organs several decades or more down the road.

I had passed the first test during the CAT scan set-up and run through to administer the radiation. It was tough but I did it. My nose was clipped shut, a tube inserted into my mouth into which I had to breathe and I had to click a button which monitors my breathing through a software program. A coach talked me through each step.

But I found I was so anxious about the nose clip and breathing and paying attention that I could hardly do it on the day before the radiation therapy was to start.

So I turned to Karen, my friend and colleague at work, to ask if she would mind just going with me to sit while I waited my turn. I was a little nervous, I told her. (She knew I was more than a little nervous.)

We left the office well ahead of time and she rode in the cab with me and sat in the waiting area while I changed. We chatted about uor children, work issues, the decor of the hospital waiting area; about everything; about nothing.

And then I was called back. She hugged me and said it would all right.

I nodded, and took a deep breath and walked back to C machine in the treatment area.
The three radiation therapists adjusted me on the table, clipped my nose shut and put in the breathing tube. One radiation therapist said now your treatment begins and they all left the room.

I was alone watching a computer screen and listening to one of the therapists coach me through the breathing. "First normal breath..."

But I knew Karen was waiting. And I said a prayer as I stared the brightly-lit outdoor scene on the ceiling. Soft music was playing. I think it might have been old Supremes songs that day.

I had to hold my breath for several seconds for six times while the radiation was administered.
And then it was over. It only lasted a few minutes. And I had done it _ partly becuase I knew Karen was waiting.

I walked out and there was Karen, smiling. "It was okay, wasn't it?" she asked.

Yes, and it's been okay since then; her waiting on the first day made the difference..

Countdown...9 treatments left.

How have your family and friends been supportive of you?

Is anyone else in any type of study group?