October 2, 2007
The Journey never ends.
I would leave FOB Falcon at night, on September 29, via UH60 Blackhawk helicopter. It was time to make my way to the place where everything for me concerning the "War In Iraq" began in early January of 2004 at Balad Air Base, at Camp Anaconda.
I would make it my purpose to get on the C-17 medivac flight that I know carries wounded to Ramstein, Germany, several times a week. In times past, I personally assisted in loading them and coordinated space A passengers leaving theater.
This time, I would be one sitting next to those that had been blown up by IED's.
The Army and Marines had coordinated all my travels up to this point in a manner that was superb all the way down the line. It would now be time to be handed off to the US Air Force, always a problem. The first answer is always "NO". But I've learned over the years that when the front door closes, the back door is the only way to enter. I would once again implement this tactic as nothing was going to stop me.
Especially not some "POG's" or "fobbits" who worry mostly about whether their hair dryers and cappuccino machines are functioning properly. This statement NEVER applies to the CASEV crews and medical personnel who for years and years have performed above and beyond the call of duty in caring for the wounded.
These are the ones I helped for over two years while stationed in Balad. Now they would help me. No matter what the admin people thought. I was on a mission.
I landed in BIAP, (Baghdad International Airport) and miraculously caught a flight from there to Balad and arrived in Balad at 0200 hrs. I was now realizing that cat naps of an hour here and an hour there are all a grunt needs to maintain his mission. I found my way to the air terminal with the help of some acquaintances and was able to manifest myself onto the flight for Germany. It would be leaving by noon, which was now ten hours away. I would go through customs and sit down in front of a TV and fade in and out until the roll call for the flight. I was taken with six other passengers to a bus and driven to the flight line where the wounded had been loaded up and the aircraft was awaiting the Space A pax, (which I was one of).
Just prior to disembarking the bus I noticed an Air Force person taking pictures on the flight line.
Immediately word came down that it "must be the media guy with the camera", which the Air Force assumed, INCORRECTLY was me. I was immediately removed from the loading and escorted back to the terminal where I was met by a female Air Force Major who began to assail me for not coordinating with her.
I explained immediately that I was not the person taking photos and that I had been manifested already while the Air Force had spent the last 36-hours trying to figure out a way for me to accomplish what already had been accomplished. It was soon realized that it would be smart to put me back on the plane before it took off, being that it had my bag on it already. I was told that I could not speak to anyone nor take photos. I was not surprised. I explained that I would just keep my eyes open and watch.
In years past, I had watched countless number of media folks all with big fat name tags, do exactly what the Air Force was telling me I could not do. That was fine by me, I know how to write. Eventually, I felt like Moses and the children of Israel being forced out of Egypt crossing the Red Sea. Pharaoh was wanting me out of their hair. I was all too happy to accommodate them. I was rushed to the airplane before it took off, marched up the stairs, given my place next to the other six passengers, and buckled my seat belt. The doors closed, the engines roared, and we taxied down the runway picking up speed until the "wheels went up".
I was leaving Iraq, once again.
In front of me were about 30-litters holding wounded and sick soldiers. Across from me were more wounded and sick soldiers that were not in bad enough shape to be on litters, they would occupy seats just like mine.
I watched for the next five and a half hours the medical crews work on the CCAT patients as well as tend to the other wounded. I thought about times past when I would go into the medivac planes and carry the litters with some of my former coworkers. I remembered times going to severely wounded soldiers and praying over them with chaplains as the life from their bodies slipped away. I remembered all the missing limbs from all the soldiers I had seen over the years. I was now the passenger watching.
It was not easy.
Directly in front view of me was a soldier whose right foot had been pretty much blown half off. I would watch his expression the entire flight. He was awake and looked fine, but had a look on his face constantly dealing with the new challenges that were facing him from this point on. He would be one of the fortunate ones. But he was not thinking that at the moment. By watching his expression, I knew he was wondering how to cope from this moment on.
It will not be easy. But he will learn. Others might not. There were more critical ones than he on board this flight. This scene has been going on several times a week since the beginning of the war. It's been nearly five years now and pushing 30,000 wounded.
At least a third of them are severely wounded. In this light, the surge of the wounded has never ebbed. I do not see it ending anytime soon.
The C-17 landed in late afternoon in Ramstein, Germany. The patients were unloaded. I was not permitted to accompany them, nor did I inquire. In years past, I rode in the buses with the wounded from the tents that held them prior to loading while working in Balad. I knew already what transpires. It has been etched in my mind now for years. I had this story written years ago, but now it would come out.
Not many know my history. It is pointless to try and explain it to some.
Eventually I would be taken off the plane and make my way to the customs area. I looked around Ramstein from the flight line. The weather was cool and the surroundings were hills of green dotted with trees that reminded me of Oregon. The air was clear and crisp. I was no longer in the sandbox and the heat.
I proceeded to the document control area and rapidly was told there was a PAO civilian contractor for the Air Force awaiting my arrival to take me outside the gate. It was there I was told, "you're on your own".
I convinced the person to take me into the small town and drop me off at a hotel. I gathered my bag, my flak gear and helmet, and took a motel room. The ci PAO person who works for the Air Force departed. I checked in, asked for a place to wash all my clothes, took a shower, and began to figure out the European phone system and cashed in some miles on an airline for a ticket to the USA the next morning. After a couple hours, my clothes were brought to me, somewhat cleaner than I had dropped them off, and I organized my things for the 0600 shuttle pick up in the morning.
That would be six hours away.
I would try to sleep. I found it was not so easy to do so. The room was nice, I was just in a whirlwind of experiences. Sunrise would be approaching, I took a shower, gathered my things, walked out the lobby and waited for the shuttle to take me to the airport in Frankfurt. I arrived with time to spare, checked in and waited for my flight to Amsterdam, where I would connect to Houston, and catch a final flight to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where my home is.
The next 20-hours of air travel would wear me out.
Eventually, I arrived in Albuquerque, to a cool drizzle. The southwest desert has an aroma to it after a fall rain. There was no way to get home from the airport, as my wife is still in Kuwait, awaiting her departure in a few days for her journey home. I called a friend of ours who picked me up and drove me to my house. It was now midnight as I looked out the windows of the car thinking back to where I had just come from. I was not looking forward to coming home.
It is never easy.
I've now been home less than 24-hours and I find myself hiding in my office that has photos on the wall as well as maps. I begin to wonder where the next photos will go. I realize soon there is no energy left in my being for anything. I'm home, I've made it. There is no euphoria. There is just a place to lay my head. The house is empty. I look at the pictures my wife has placed on the fridge. There is one of my son Jesse that I had not seen before. It was when he was in Quantico learning to become a US Marine officer. I had not seen this photo before. I determine to go visit his grave site when I'm ready.
It's been a year.
There will be at least one more entry that I will write for this blog. But I will wait for responses from all the readers. I will seek your questions now, and try to answer them in the final entry. If ever I have encouraged responses, now is that time. I've been contacted already by some media folks wanting an interview. Maybe I will tell them what I experienced as time permits. Maybe I will tell them as best I can, the things I've written. But what I really want to tell them is, "go see for yourselves".
This is what I have done. I went to Iraq, to see for all those that could not. The picture has been painted.
"To Whom much is given, much is required". This is my experience.
It is NEVER easy.
Jim Spiri
Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
jimspiri@yahoo.com
505-898-1680
Comments (18)
Bless you. I pray that your wife and son come home to you safely. Your writing conveys your feelings to the extent that I now sit here with so many sad feelings and yet so glad that you have shared them with me and all of the others that read your articles. Thank you, your family, and, those who have made your work possible. Rest and find purpose.
The Kellys
Posted by B. Kelly | October 3, 2007 12:21 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 12:21
Welcome home, Daddy.
You surely used every bit of talent the Lord gave to you to SHOW those of us "back home" that in the scope of the universe, it's the little things that get remembered, the little things that make a difference, and the little things that matter most... through your pen and your camera, you "seized the day" for all of us.
Yes, to whom much is given, much is required. Press on.
Well done, good and faithful servant.
Posted by Melain Blackwell | October 3, 2007 12:44 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 12:44
Jim:
I am once again moved by your talent at sharing your experiences and by your bravery at having them in the first place. Perhaps a script is more in order...and that scene on the plane with you looking in that injured young man's eyes would be the perfect ending....or beginning. Silence that speaks volumes.
I was just writing to someone that it will be hard for my son to have conversations again, as most of what Americans civilians discuss in general is so trivial.
And that is why you must do an interview! No single interview can do justice to what you and our brave soldiers experienced. But if you get minimal exposure more people will be able to read your writings....and that will make all the difference.
Thank you again for making my son's experiences in country become more detailed and realistic for me and his family and friends to understand. I am certain you only touched the tip of the iceberg, but you spoke volumes.
Take care of yourself for a while. Looking forward to reading you again.....when you are ready.
Anna Gartner
Posted by Anna Gartner | October 3, 2007 3:53 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 15:53
Home...For awhile, you might not feel like your home, because, well because you can never, ever really come back home.
Not from an extended stay, from college, from war.
You have much to deal with now. You must deal with it in the best ways you can. In dealing with it, try to understand that this is not the rest of your life, but just the beginning of it. That dwelling on or worrying about what was is not the way to go. You must go forward, just like you were taught and did in your service in Iraq.
Don't, please don't go the path that many of us went down before, where we looked back, and let past events, past and present anger, disappointment and expectations change us even more than war did.
You have a new mission. You must tackle it with as much energy, determination and optimism as you have ever put forth before.
I've been down the long road, looking for home again. Trust me you will find it if you look and work toward it.
Your Son Jesse, is part of the Guard now on the Heavenly Gates. He is continuing his mission also. You must continue yours
Thank you and God Bless You and your family.
Papa Ray
West Texas
USA
Posted by Papa Ray | October 3, 2007 5:21 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 17:21
There is a purpose and reasoning for every single thing that happens in our lives. As you once told me, meeting my husband (and me through the wonders of technology) was no accident.
An immense feeling of sadness came upon me as I read this entry. It was not, I don't think, because I wouldn't have your thoughts to read. Instead, I am sure of it this time, that it was because I felt maybe a little spec of what you felt walking through the doors of your home. Immediately, my husband came to mind and the trivial day-to-day things that happen here at home seem so very little compared to all that you, my husband, and our soldiers go out into every single day of their lives over there. To come home and feel as though there is no way you could continue to be and do all that you have while you were over there must have made you feel incomplete. It is a good preparation for me in remembering this when I welcome my husband home.
I have one question, which you opened up to your readers. I ask only that you make it at least a little bit of a priority to be here to welcome our guys home. I ask that so that I might hug the man who brought a little piece of my husband home to me from so far away. You mentioned before that you would try to be here. I ask that you truly try. You will also have a home to stay in if you are able to make it.
I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done, all that you are, and all that you have brought to so many families of our deployed soldiers. As was mentioned, it is the little things that matter most. Though you are only one man, one man who was given much, you gave much more (in my humble opinion) than you were required to give. You have my thoughts and prayers, always!!!
P.S.
If you should find your way down here to El Paso, please know that I would love nothing more than to introduce you to my children and welcome you into our family. You are, for me and my family, a perfect view of God working right in front of us. Thank you from the bottom of both mine and my husband's hearts.
Posted by Valerie Mansapit | October 3, 2007 6:41 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 18:41
Welcome Home!
While I am very happy to hear that you have made your way home safely, I can't help but admit that I have a very heavy heart. For the past four months I have read everything you have written and looked at all the photos you have taken. In a sense, I have been a part of Iraq also. Not only because my brother is there but because YOU have brought me there too. You have opened up to me, a world that I would never have experienced or appreciated if it weren't for your writing and passion for telling the story.
Soon 2/6 Golf Co. 3rd Plt. (my brother's plt.) will be arriving back at Camp Lejeune, and family and friends will greet them with open arms, flags, and banners. We will kiss and hug them and praise God for their safe return. We will be happy to be with our loved ones again but in the same instance we will have a deep sense of sadness for we will no longer read the passages from our good friend Jim Spiri.
Thank you Jim, and God bless you and your family. Although we may never meet, I consider you a part of my family.
Gratefully,
Tracey Tierney
MarineSister of L.Cpl. Raymond Gazaille
Posted by MarineSister | October 3, 2007 8:03 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 20:03
thank you very much for being over there and giving us a view back here.
You and your family have given much and I appreciate it.
Much love and respect for you all.
Kathleen
Posted by kat-missouri | October 3, 2007 8:47 PM
Posted on October 3, 2007 20:47
Well done Jim Spiri, I am the father of a 2/6 Golf Co. 3rd Plt. Marine and we are anxiously awaiting his safe return home. This is our families second deployment experience and I can honestly say you've made this deployment easier for my family and me than the first one, you've given us a taste of what our Marine and all our fine servicemen and women are experiencing all over Iraq and have made me to feel that our nations efforts there are surely a noble and just cause. I can only wish you and your family health and happiness. My only question to you is when are you gonna write a book ?
Best regards and heartfelt thanks.........
Bill Anderson
Posted by Bill Anderson | October 4, 2007 8:58 PM
Posted on October 4, 2007 20:58
Well done, Jim Spiri
From the dad of an Army Medic at TAji.
I'm sorry for your loss ( I had not realized that before) , I'm glad yo got to see your other son. It's great that you made it back to ABQ safely. Perhaps, when my wife ( you know her name) and I return to New Mexico, we can visit you. It has already been said by others, but I will echo it anyway. WELL DONW, good and faithful servant.
Posted by Jay Ward | October 4, 2007 10:21 PM
Posted on October 4, 2007 22:21
Welcome home, Jim!
It will take a while to shed your 'war zone' personna and morph back to being a civilian. I hope it is not too long before your wife returns, too. You both will help each other cope with the new arrangement.
You have just completed an extroadinary journey, going where few if any civilians ventured; and certainly spent more time with the grunts. No 'drive by's' for Jim Spiri, thank you very much! Through your words and pictures you were kind enough to let us look over your shoulder.
You have invested too much time in this to not follow up in some regard. I wouldn't even consider an interview with any of the TV networks. They'll edit your words to fit their time slot and completely change the meaning of what you spoke.
I'd like to see you write a book on your experience, accompanied by your pictures. My reason is selfish, of course, I'd like to read more of your experiences to include more details of your civilian contractor days.
You write free of bias, just describing what you see. You tell the stories of Americas best and what they are doing under some of the harshest conditions on this planet.
You tell their story, not yours. That is what sets you apart and your unselfishness deserves to be recognized.
I don't have any questions for you, Jim. I just feel your message needs to get a wider audience. Too many of our countrymen don't appreciate the sacrifices our military makes, especially in war time. Nor do they feel the satisfaction of continuing the legacy of those who have served before them.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do for the rest of your life. It has been a pleasure reading your stories and swapping an occasional email.
Semper Fi,
Jim
Posted by Jim Boyle | October 5, 2007 3:33 PM
Posted on October 5, 2007 15:33
Jim,
Just remember to look at the forest with the trees. Each tree will have a story to tell. You have did an outstanding job in telling our story. I thank you for that.
My advice for you on doing interviews is; just follow your heart. You will do what is right.
Again thanks for telling our story. Welcome home.
Posted by Bruce Glasco | October 6, 2007 12:45 AM
Posted on October 6, 2007 00:45
I'm glad you mentioned about the wounded. The mass media always touches upon the "death toll" and are quick to forget about the injured and wounded. Plus, I'm a nurse and that stuff catches my attention. I'm glad you had a safe journey home and that you and Mom finished the race strong.
Love,
Mo
Posted by Moriah | October 8, 2007 7:29 PM
Posted on October 8, 2007 19:29
Dear Jim,
Saying Thank you is not enough. May God richly bless you and keep you healthy. You have enable me to connect with my son and those other brave men and women of our military. If you are ever out in Pennsylvania area please let me know. I would be honored to personally meet you and shake your hand. Also you always have a place to stay in the great northeastern part of PA. LCpl DiLoretto, Matt (2/6 Golf, 3rd Plt) is expected to arrive home within the next two weeks. We are looking forward to welcome him back. We are also happy for your safe return. God bless you, wife, and family. Praying for your sons safe return.
Vince DiLoretto, Proud Dad of a US Marine.
Posted by Vince DiLoretto | October 9, 2007 6:22 PM
Posted on October 9, 2007 18:22
Jim ~
So happy for the safe return of you and your wife! May your son soon follow.
I have so enjoyed reading all of your blog entries over the months. I hate to see them end! But with your return also comes my son's return, soon with the 2/6. All of us (readers) are so fortunate to have discovered your writings. How could we have endured this deployment without knowing the 'real' story?
You must continue on this path that only God could have led you to. You are a wealth of knowledge. The rest of the world needs to know what we already believe: Jim Spiri has a lot to say and those who care will listen. How much more true the story is that comes from the heart!
I hope some day our paths will meet. You were the bright light when I was in despair; for that I am forever in your debt. I know all of those that you walked along with in Iraq hold you in high regard. You are a champion among men!
God be with you and your family.
Sincerely,
Proud Mom of LCpl Andy Seitz, 2/6 Golf, 3rd Plt, 0311/Rifleman/Humvee Driver/Radioman/Squad Lifesaver ~ Grunt!
Posted by Linda Seitz | October 10, 2007 12:01 AM
Posted on October 10, 2007 00:01
Jim,
Words cannot express what a blessing your blog has been over the past few months while my son has been deployed with the 2/6 Marines. I am thankful that you have returned home safely, but your stories will be greatly missed. I hope that we will stay in touch. Your description of the flight with the wounded brought tears to my eyes as I thought of my future son-in-law's return home from Bagdad in July. Many thanks for all you have done. God bless!
Posted by Julie Krich | October 10, 2007 1:21 PM
Posted on October 10, 2007 13:21
Mr. Spiri,
Each day I come back and a little part of me still wishes I'd have a new post of yours to read. I suppose it is one of those "things" that just keeps me going. Who knows?
I've waited a while to write again and I've taken the last week or so in and read and reread the blog archives. It keeps me going.
It is a different feeling to come back from over there than it is to be on this side and waiting. I read somewhere at the beginning of this deployment, "Is it easier to go or to stay behind?". It is definitely easier to go. The days are passing slowly. I do not know if it is because of the anticipation, if maybe a part of it is not having more posts to read here, if maybe I'm really more anxious and nervous than anything else. I don't know.
I did, however, read this particular blog more than any other. It is a personal and upfront glimpse of you and the beautiful family you have. Thank you for sharing it with everyone.
As much as I miss the posts, I am sure you are thoroughly enjoying sharing your experiences with each other now that your wife is in your arms. I am so excited that I will soon be able to do the same with my hubby.
You are still in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Posted by Valerie Mansapit | October 11, 2007 2:58 PM
Posted on October 11, 2007 14:58
Hehe. This was meant to be posted on the "Just You and Me" blog.
Posted by Valerie Mansapit | October 11, 2007 2:59 PM
Posted on October 11, 2007 14:59
Welcome Home!! You and Candi are amazing! I'm sorry you couldn't talk me into watching your house when you left, but I had a different plan when I quit my job and left society to live in the forest. I just want you and my sister to know that you both are amazing and wonderful people that I will always admire and hold dear to my heart. You have shown me the light of the lord and helped me find it again when I was lost. I Love both of you very dearly.
God Bless you both. Shanon
Posted by Shanon Crumbley | October 23, 2007 1:32 PM
Posted on October 23, 2007 13:32